| | I simply don't know where to begin.
Well first and foremost, wow. I cannot believe it's mid-March already. I know I've even said that back in October, but I seriously think life is accelerating. Before I know it, the sun sets on my afternoons; in a blink my nights are warmed to the start of a new day. I feel like even my class periods are getting shorter. My irratic, abnormal sleep cycle and naps are probably to blame. I hate how quickly senior year is coming to a close. I absolutely hate it.
I also realize I haven't written an entry since November. I think it's a fitting reflection of what's happened since and who I've become. In the months between November and now, I have been undergone the most trying, revealing, and pivotal experiences of my life.
It's been tough. Senior year has had its heights of happiness and the depths of despair. The night before the first day of school, I'd written anxiously about the upcoming "fight for my sanity, this struggle against my own limits, this battle against college admissions." And indeed, what a chaotic "war" it's been: I've been pushed to my limits intellectually, spiritually, and physically; I've seen the worst in many people around me; I've never been challenged enough to apply my intellect so completely as I had to in We the People; and for the first time, I actually had to fight for my sanity.
But overall, I believe I've fared relatively very well. I never broke down at the face of my breaking points. I worked harder to meet the challenges of We the People. I swallowed up my doubts, my angst, and my temptations. For this fortitude that has kept me alive, I am thankful.
And so, it comes as no surprise that I've lost my sense of time. I cannot grasp the fact that I have only 3 months of school left. Simply cannot. I think to a certain extent, I've maybe kept myself too busy over the past few months, albeit I needed those distractions to preserve my consciousness.
For the most part, I don't care anymore where I end up going. I rather lament with the utmost gravity the end of my high school years. I know there's a reason why half of the TV shows and all the popular books are focused on high school. Those short but timeless years of insulated innocence, unbreakable idealism, and the romantic aura emitted from the perpetuity of youth.
I know I will not have a problem acclimating to a college and I know college has its own perks. But I do not know if my mind can even accept graduation. I have so enjoyed my years at Hills East. I've met some of the best people here. I've grown from a naive newcomer to an established senior. I'm not ready to leave. I'm not ready to desert my youth.
I've always imagined my senior year modeled after One Tree Hill, Smallville, or somethin like that. A year full of unforgettable moments that evoke incalculable happiness, laid against the backdrop of the most picturesque towns. I know I've missed out on much of that because I've been so busy. But now that We the People is over and I'm getting into colleges, I can finally start to live my real senior year. And in whatever remaining time I have, I'm going to do everything in my power to live out a storybook senior year of my own.
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| | Posted 3/14/2009 4:50 AM - 40 Views - 6 eProps - 4 comments
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